💥 Does your child have meltdowns which you don't know how to deal with?
What about your anger; do you know how to stay calm in a crisis? It can be really tough and exhausting when faced with an angry child.
Anger is such a powerful emotion, but it also can make people feel uncomfortable or afraid when expressed inappropriately. Parents often tell me they send their child away with their anger and leave them to deal with it by themselves or that they are afraid of their child when they are angry. I get it!💥 Anger also appears to be the one emotion which is frequently suppressed and comes out sideways
Anger comes out sideways when you find yourself being sarcastic or letting things build up and then finding yourself angry at the slightest thing. Anger comes out sideways when it's held inside, unexpressed and can eventually make you ill. 💥 Do you live in a shouty house?
What lots of people don't realise is that anger is a mask for more vulnerable feelings: like fear and sadness. In angry houses often you will find:
💥 We need to understand our emotions as they are messengers sent to help us navigate life
- children and parents who have full emotional backpacks (they are carrying lots of unexpressed feelings and they don't even realise).
- children and parents who feel unheard or misunderstood (feelings fester when they are not expressed).
- children and parents who don't have the tools to express their emotions (we don't learn this stuff at school).
- children and parents who don't trust each other and whose connection is weakened by emotionally charged situations.
- you may also find children who are punished for being angry which actually makes them more angry and doesn't help them understand their emotions (this is why I believe punishment doesn't work).
- children using anger as a way of connecting with you and getting your attention or using it as a way to create space because their boundaries are being overstepped.
We cannot selectively numb emotions; if we numb anger, then we will eventually also numb joy and happiness. All emotions need to be healthily expressed and understood instead of labelled 'good and bad'.
Sometimes anger is an appropriate response to a situation and a warning which keeps us safe. Anger can also be channelled for good and for change. Some of us may have been brought up to believe that anger is ugly, scary or even rude. When we own our anger and feel it, it has a message for us.
An angry parent who is raging or shouting or out of control is very scary to a child. Equally an angry child who feels out of control can be scary for a parent. 💥 We need to be connected to our emotions to understand ourselves and others
Children who grow up not having their feelings validated struggle to recognise and trust themselves. An important part of themselves (their emotional self) is denied, they may find themselves feeling disconnected, unfulfilled or empty. They may have difficulty trusting or relying upon others. Many describe feeling that they are different from other people; like something is wrong with them, but they’re not sure what it is.
So let's look at learning to deal with this together as a team. In this Smiley online learning pack, I will help you and your child with how to understand and learn to manage your anger in a healthy way. You will get:-
💥 A video explaining my 10 Emotional Principles
which will help you as a parent:
- to separate your child's feelings and behaviour so you can respond in the most supportive way.
- ensure your child grows up feeling connected to their emotions (their internal satnav to guide them through life and relationships with other people).
- understand your own anger and how that might play a part in your child's emotional regulation.
- validate your child's feelings and not take them personally (it's not about you!).
- change your reality and your perceptions around your child when emotions are running high which provides a win-win for everybody.
- deal with your child's meltdowns differently so you will have less power struggles and less drama (did I just hear you breathe a sigh of relief?!).
💥 A one hour Calm Down Master Class
for your child
(but is also helpful for adults) and will help you help children:
- Understand their anger and what it means for them so they don't feel bad or ashamed of themselves.
- Know their angry triggers so they know what's coming and can be prepared.
- Change their perspective on their feelings and learn how to listen to them and use them to help them instead of fight against them.
- 10 Practical Tools for coping with their feelings (not just anger, this works for worries and sadness too).
- Learn the importance of daily emotional housekeeping so feelings don't build up and then explode out of nowhere.
- Learn to trust themselves and feel empowered to handle any feelings which come up for them.
💥 An epic Activity Workbook
for children to complete as part of the Calm Down Master Class (parents can do this too!)
💥 A Creative Challenge
for children to make a calm down tool kit (parents can do this too!)
💥The Energy Pod Frustration Class
: 45 minutes of Smiley coaching where you and your child will have fun learning and talking with each about how anger shows up in your family (every family is different). You may be surprised at what comes out of this class for you and your child.
💥 There is also a SPECIAL BONUS Download
for children and parents to help dissolve big angry feelings and 3 BONUS videos
for parents to watch on making children wrong, what to do when your child finds losing difficult and how to instantly dissolve your own anger when emotions are running high.
💥 Additional reading and Helpful Smiley Resources
about anger for parents and children.
👇 Scroll right down to the bottom of the page and see each module detailed in full 👇
💥 This online learning pack is for you if ...
- you have a strong-willed sensitive child
- you feel as if your child isn't co-operating or respecting you
- you have been using punishment and it's not working
- you want to help your child increase their emotional resilience
- you are exhausted by your child's emotional outbursts and don't know how to respond to them
- you or your child often seem to be one step away from a meltdown or angry outburst
- you or your child's big anger is ruling the house and it feels scary, uncontrollable or tense (walking on eggshells springs to mind)
- your child is having strong emotional reactions to homework, hearing the word no, losing or something else
- you react quickly to your child instead of responding calmly
- you find it hard to keep a lid on your anger when your child behaves in ways which gets to you
💥 This online learning is NOT for you if ...
💥 What do I need? 💥
- you are looking for a magic bullet or a quick fix (maybe start off with my ebook and see how you get on with that first).
- you have good boundaries and you are comfortable setting and upholding them with your child.
- you are confident dealing with your child's big emotions and trust them and you to find your way with them.
- you regularly connect with empathy to your child and are able to parent without using punishment, bribes or threats.
- you are not going to prioritise this and dedicate some time to this every day.
💥 How do I get started? 💥
- Quiet space and time in the diary - make a commitment to really do this. Your child wants you to really do this!
- An open mind and willingness to try something new
- Some paper, a pen and a cuppa of course! If like me, you are a stationery addict, this is the opportunity to crack open one of your new journals
- Tablet or electronic device to watch the video
💥 Additional Support - I am here to help you! 💥
- Buy the course online and start straight away. It's easy. This video shows you how it works once you are in the learning den.
- Add my email firstname.lastname@example.org to your safe senders list as you will get emails from me telling you how to get the most out of your course (I often fall into your junk box the first time I contact you so this will make sure we stay in touch).
- Carve out time and make it a priority. You can chunk it down into manageable time intervals and make it work for your schedule. In fact, if you do a bit, let it settle, make some notes and then do a bit more, it's likely to sink in and stick. Your child will be so happy that you are doing this course!
- Get started. Get involved. Get Smiley!
I am here for you as you make your way through this mini training. You can email me if you get stuck. I'm sure it will be super helpful in all sorts of situations. However, if for whatever reason, you experience resistance or it brings up strong emotions in you, then please reach out. Often in coaching, anything which needs to be addressed comes out and so it makes sense to have somebody close at hand, who can offer understanding, insights and professional support. I have created a Speak to Smiley Call which is specifically for that. Click here to book a Speak to Smiley Coaching Call